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“I’m looking for a princess” and other online dating profile gems
These have been some of the biggest turn-offs for me when reading people’s online dating profiles:
- I am very good looking. (If you put a picture, let me decide for myself. If you didn’t, I’m feeling a tad suspicious.)
- I am funny but also serious. (Are you also tall but short?)
- I love going out but I also love staying in. (Opposites remind me of Sesame Street! I love Sesame Street. I also hate it. No I don’t.)
- I’m done playing games. (I’ve never played games… Could you explain what games you’ve played exactly?)
- I’m not like all the other idiots out there. (I think you just disproved that.)
- I’m not writing anything about myself here. Words are overrated. This site sucks… And the rest you’ll have to find out when we meet! (“When”?!)
- I am so impressive and wonderful. I’m also extremely modest. (Will you marry me?)
- She should be beautiful… (And your very subjective opinion of beauty entails… what exactly? No, I don’t really want to know.)
- She should be beautiful… On the inside and out. (Uh huh…)
- I’m looking for a princess. (*barf*)
- You’ve never met anyone like me. (Was that you helping me count my blessings?)
What would be in your list?
Categories: Comic relief, online dating
Dee, I love your list! One of the things that drive me nuts in the Hebrew profiles is when the guy says: “את יודעת לפרגן” What does that mean exactly? That I need to be able to sit at home without criticism while you are out picking up chicks with your friends? Or should I always be the one giving the back massage? One other thing that I hate is when a guy writes: “if you are looking for a good time, write to me” Seriously??? Why would I be looking for a bad time?
“One of the things that drive me nuts in the Hebrew profiles is when the guy says: ‘את יודעת לפרגן’ What does that mean exactly? That I need to be able to sit at home without criticism while you are out picking up chicks with your friends? Or should I always be the one giving the back massage?”
If that were so, shouldn’t he have written: “את תמיד מפרגנת”?
The guy could simply mean he’s looking for someone who is not indifferent, or hostile, to things that are important to him, but are uninteresting to her.
And, why assume it’s intended to be one-sided?
“One other thing that I hate is when a guy writes: ‘if you are looking for a good time, write to me’ Seriously??? Why would I be looking for a bad time?”
Maybe you don’t know what he has in mind!
From Press Gang’s “Something Terrible”( Part 1):
Lynda [to Spike, on the window ledge]: Spike, this is stupid. You could have an accident.
Spike: I’ll be okay.
Lynda: You don’t know what I have in mind.
my favorite – “I will make you happy.” What makes a woman happy depends on who she is, not to mention how happy she is with herself. So are these guys Houdini- capable master of making every single woman happy. I’m really not looking forward to what this guy does when he doesn’t make a woman happy.
Devora and Rho, both good ones. :)
I honestly think that it’s extremely difficult to write about yourself. I just had to write a short bio about myself and I was like, “I’m a… girl. The end.” :)
It may be worth mentioning that girls/women are as guilty as men of using these dating profile “gems”. On OkCupid, I’ve seen in girls’ profiles most of the ones you list, except for maybe the first, in one form or another.
Another form of your no. 6, that I find off-putting, is the filling out of a section of the profile, only to evade the question one’s asked to answer, like: claiming inability to be summarized( or, summarize one’s life) in the self-summary section, claiming that the list of favorite books, movies, food, etc., is too long or varied to mention( or even select from), claiming that there’s no such thing as a typical Friday night, or my personal “favorite”, saying that the most private thing one is willing to admit wouldn’t be private anymore if they admitted it. My response to those would be: If you have nothing to fill in, leave that section blank.( I would!)
My additions to the list, though not written gems per se, would be: (a) thinking it’s so l33t to add C++ to the languages one speaks( OkCupid even enables this, by making it selectable in the profile settings), and fluently at that, and (b) claiming to be fluent in English and then writing a profile that proves otherwise( referring to ‘life’ in the plural, confusing ‘in’ and ‘at’, and, my personal favorite, is the girl who wrote about wanting to “steal a bank”).
I’d like to defend no. 2, in your list( though I’ve never used it myself: most people who know me don’t find me funny, at least not when I’m trying to be): It could be that what they’re actually trying to say, rather clumsily, is that they have a sense of humor( and what girl doesn’t want that in their guy?), but can be serious, when needed( you wouldn’t want someone reckless, who thinks everything is a joke, who can’t hold down a job, or be serious enough towards his relationship with his significant other, now, would you?).
By the way, I am tall( compared to my mom, and others, who are 5’2″), but short( compared to most basketball players).