Damn. I’m such a bad liar. OK fine, I wish that “rabbis” had decided that they will now push the pre-date agreement. Here is my dream article, as if this were true:
Finally, leaders of the Jewish community have decided they must take a stand against all the lack of derech eretz happening within the dating world. They have begun drafting a pre-date agreement which is inspired by the pre-nup agreement being signed by couples before they get married. This new and innovative document helps people be more clear of how things will run during and if necessary, when ending, their mutual dating experience.
One rabbi, who currently requested to remain anonymous, contacted HaBitza.com. He explained that the committee would like to make sure that all the most important points will appear on the document. He thought that HaBitza might be the perfect platform where this discussion could take place.
I have decided to start the discussion by supplying a few points I feel are important to agree upon before beginning to date someone. In the comments below please let us know what else you think should be in the “pre-date.”
- Both sides agree to be appreciative and show it, too. This means, for example, that they will thank each other when one does something for the other and both will thank each other at the end of the date for giving of their time and energies.
- Both sides agree to do their best to express what they want to say in clear sentences, not expecting the other side to read their minds.
- The man must be in touch with the woman within two days of the date, unless he was extremely seriously wounded while saving a baby in some majorly heroic act. (And, by the way, in the case of the heroism, the girl must fall for the guy whether or not she enjoyed his company on the dates.) This applies whether there is interest in another date or not. If the man really does not have it in him to reject gracefully on the phone, he is allowed, and encouraged, to send a text message so that it is clear to the woman that there will not be another date.
- If there is a misunderstanding, both sides may seek advice from third parties but then the misunderstandings will be spoken about between the two daters. There will be an attempt made on both sides that even if the relationship does not continue, hard feelings are worked through earlier rather than later so that both sides can move on feeling OK about what happened.
- If one person needs it, he/she agrees to go to therapy so they don’t, often unknowingly, take out their whole past on their fellow dater. Also, when necessary, the persons needing mesch classes agree to go until the mensch expert believes that from now on the person will be able to hold themselves back from hurting their dates knowingly and unknowingly.
Honestly, I do wish I could agree on certain things with a guy before I even went on a date with him. I am inspired to change the world and make this happen. Maybe matchmakers could discuss these things with people and then only set them up if they are fairly confident the person could uphold their side of the deal. And then, if they ever don’t, and don’t have a good excuse for it (or don’t have a sincere want to work on themselves), the matchmaker would stop setting them up.
What do you think? Make sure to share in the comments what you think should be in this new pre-date agreement!
Photo by lrargerich on flickr.