So, what are you looking for? and other popular questions
Did you know you are not being forced to answer any question anyone ever asks you (except, I suppose if it’s the Mossad asking).
So, what if someone asks you what you’re looking for in a spouse or how you define yourself religiously? What if they ask you if you go to a matchmaker or do online dating?
Well, then you answer what you want to answer. I happen to find these questions to be pretty personal and don’t feel comfortable answering just anyone. The problem is that often I feel put on the spot because if I answer I feel like I shared things that were too private (and often too hard to explain standing on one foot) but if I don’t share, I could come off seeming a little weird or too private or like I don’t really want help meeting someone because if I did, I’d be willing to put myself out there.
Yeah, whatev.
So someone just asked me what I’m looking for. I asked him why he was asking and he said just so he could have it in mind (he doesn’t really know me so not sure how much he’d have it in mind anyway). I told him I prefer only to talk about this if there is use in it because it’s private. There were a couple more back and forths and that was that. I am very happy I didn’t give in because I did not feel good about sharing this information with him.
Do you feel like you’re giving someone private information when you answer the question, “What are you looking for?” Do you sometimes feel pressured into answering questions posed to you because otherwise you’ll give a bad impression?
What am I looking for?
A reasonably attractive woman who doesn’t cause unnecessary drama and isn’t insane.
Is that too much to ask?
Usually when people tell me that they’re looking for only very few and basic things, it’s hard for me to believe. Especially when the character traits are actually not traits but lack of negative traits (minus the drama, minus the insanity).
How have you not met yet one woman who fits those criteria? I think 90% of the women I know, do.
It means, Deena, that I do not have an extensive and completely unreasonable/irrational list of demands for my spouse. If I did then that would make me a woman. I have very few requirements, and most of them are one thing- stability.
Is that too much to ask?
Besides the fact that I find it very offensive the opinion you just expressed about women, I still am wondering why you haven’t yet found someone that fits such basic criteria.
Do you have other very negative perceptions of women, possibly? Because if/when I meet a guy who says things like what you just said, I am definitely turned off me and if women are getting that feeling around you that you actually think most of us are picky and even insane, I can’t imagine that would be helpful to your love life.
Deena, you find it offensive that I desire a woman who is sufficiently attractive and does not cause unnecessary drama?
That’s pretty obscene.
I was referring to your comment about how you’d be a woman if you had “an extensive and completely unreasonable/irrational list of demands for [your] spouse.”
I still would like to hear how it is that you haven’t found someone that fits your very basic criteria.
Deena,
You must, immediately read:
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
She demonstrates that women have long and entirely irrational lists.
ok, first of all I agree with what you wrote in your post- “The problem is that often I feel put on the spot because if I answer I feel like I shared things that were too private (and often too hard to explain standing on one foot) but if I don’t share, I could come off seeming a little weird or too private or like I don’t really want help meeting someone because if I did, I’d be willing to put myself out there.” I do have my list but its MY list its private and I dont want to share because honeslty, if I like the guy and he doesnt fit all the stuff on my list it wont matter, and visa versa, even if he’s bloody perfect on paper but he is an @#$%^& to talk to, then the list really won’t really matter…..
ok enough about that, what I really wanted to say is that I think Justaguy’s comments are horribly offensive, if thats how you portay women in general as having unreasonable/irrational lists them maybe that is why you are still single dude, with that kind of attitude I am sure you are sending not just signals but WAVES of negativity. And who wants to date someone like that anyway. Maybe you have not found what you want yet is maybe cause you are not that pleasant to hang out with …
hmmmmm something to think about…..
Cinderella, what if the complaint is true? Have you read the book that I linked to? It demonstrates just that- women have long and irrational lists of demands and requirements. Read the book- it will make everything so much more clear for you. Ok?
I usually find that the male of our species perched on this very high pedestal. The man can do no wrong, the man is strong, great hair, body, mind and spirit. I suggest that we take a step back and realize that both men and woman are strong at times, and weak at times, have great bodies, minds and spirits when its called for.
Having a long list of good and bad for any side is fruitless, it cause emotional link distress, which results in the link severing. Lots of unanswered questions, hurt feelings.. blah… we all know it.
If I like the girl and she tells me that she likes me, it could work, the relational link could work. Stable and fruitful. This tree can be drilled, strained and threatened and those parties, those links should still be able to be linked. Though its right, sometimes no, the link has to divide only to create two complete logical sets, and the completion buffer drains and craves for another link to be created.
That.. blah.. after a relationship can mathematically explained.