Hosting a group meal by Hannah Katsman
I’d like to welcome Hannah Katsman who has agreed to share her ideas with us here at habitza.com. She is the author of A Mother in Israel, a blog on aliyah, parenting, and life in Israel and of Cooking Manager, where she helps home cooks save time and money in the kitchen (and serve delicious meals, of course). Be sure to check out her recipes at the bottom of this post. K, I’m hungry. Deena
When Deena and I were discussing the topic for my guest post on habitza.com, she asked if I had ideas about communal Shabbat meals for singles. She didn’t have to worry. I lived on my own in Washington Heights for several years, and met my husband when he hosted a meal and a mutual friend invited me along.
I’m going to give a bunch of suggestions, but they all boil down to one thing: Make your guests feel welcome. It won’t matter that the chicken came out dry or you ran out of wine, as long as you can keep smiling. Good planning is important because it allows you to focus on your guests, not the food. Throughout the tips below, I have included links to my Cooking Manager blog with more information on the different topics.
1. Inviting: Make your invitation specific and sincere, including whether or not guests are expected to bring food. If you’re making it potluck, let them know when you invite them, not after. For potluck you can give the guest a few options of things they can either buy or cook (e.g. drinks, salad or kugel). If it isn’t potluck, wait for the guest to make an offer.
2. Planning the Menu: Choose uncomplicated dishes that work as leftovers or are easy to freeze. Don’t make too many items–each additional item means more washing, serving, and cleanup.
3. Shopping: Making an emergency trip to the store is a big time waster, so double-check your grocery list. Make sure you have every ingredient on hand, and don’t forget salt, paper goods, drinks, etc.
4. Cooking: Spread a big cooking job over two days. On the first day, count, wash and peel vegetables. Store them in bags or containers in the fridge. Chop and cook the next day.
5. Setting up: Do as much as you can in advance, including preparing platters in the fridge if you have room. Keep track of when it’s time to defrost (always in the refrigerator) or heat up food. Keep food as hot or as cold as you can to prevent spoilage.
6. Serving: After you plan the menu, walk through the meal from start to finish in your head. Where will you serve each course, and with which utensils? Will you need to wash dishes in the middle? With more than 7 or 8 guests, divide items into more than one platter. And make sure that everyone has access to food. It’s no fun to sit at the edge of the table and shout for someone to pass the chumus.
7. Conversation: Have a couple of topics ready in case conversation lags, or if a guest dominates or brings up inappropriate topics. Make a special effort to include newcomers.
8. Ending the meal: Two hours is about the upper limit of people’s patience, so avoid letting the courses drag out. Benching (grace after meals) sooner rather than later allows people to leave without feeling rude. If people hang around too long, stand up and thank them for coming. If you do want people to stay longer, put out some fresh fruit after dessert.
9. Storing Food: A benefit of singlehood is the ability to be spontaneous about where you eat. But this means leftovers commonly get neglected. If you think your leftovers will go to waste, offer them to your guests–making up plates with a whole meal is the best. Cover the rest well and replace in the refrigerator or freezer. And make a note to use it up.
10. Cleaning Up: It can be annoying when guests don’t help clean up, but it’s often because they don’t know what to do. Don’t hesitate to assign specific tasks, like bringing things into the kitchen or folding up chairs.
What do you think makes a successful communal meal? Please share in the comments.
Recipe ideas for hosting a crowd:
Lentils with Onions and Garlic (Best when made 2-3 days in advance, this is a satisfying vegetarian/vegan main course or side)
Chicken with Black Olives and Tomatoes. (Unusual one-pot chicken dish, excellent hot or cold)
Low-Fat Turkey Meatloaf (Easy to multiply, slice and serve).
Crustless Quiche (Flexible, dairy option easily multiplied for a crowd.)
Betei’avon!
Oh, here’s an important one! If you are going to have a guest supply very important items like wine/grape juice, challah or forks, make sure it is someone who really plans to come on time (or even early if it’s something connected to the setting up). I have been to a meal where dishes were missing (I kid you not) because someone didn’t show up till after the meal. Actually, the best idea is to just not leave basic items to guests or if someone does want to bring something basic, ask if they could drop it off before Shabbat.
Deena and Vera, thanks so much for hosting me. Looking forward to reciprocating. :)
I know, I know! I must work on that blog post. :)
Deena, I had the opposite situation once. I was invited to a meal hosted by a male friend in J-m. I offered to bring the chicken, which was a good thing- the other dishes on hand were plain spaghetti and baked beans. :)
LOL! Love that. Some people go through a real learning curve when they start to host. Well, hopefully they learn. :)
I once hosted a sheva brachot along with my roommates. The bride was a friend of the roommates. One guy who was invited, who also had little to do with the couple, told me afterward that a quarter chicken is really not enough for a guy and we should have prepared more.
If you’re trying to stay on a budget (more for the college-age crowd than the working-age crowd), Serve a big soup with a big challah first. People will fill up on the soup and challah and then you serve salads, By the time you get to the main dish, people are so full that they barely eat anything.
I remember doing this in college when a lot of us were living on a monthly budget of $200-300 all expenses beyond dorm and tuition. (no meal plans in Israel, either).
On the first day, count, wash and peel vegetables. Store them in bags or containers in the fridge
Don’t you lose some of the vitamins in the process?
Having cooked Hannah’s Chicken with Black Olives and Tomatoes I can certify that it is a wonderful dish.
Ilana-Davita,
Yes, you do. Ideally you should prep as close to cooking as possible.
eep. That’s fairly rude of him to say, though honestly, when I make a meal, I assume more than 1/4 per person unless there is some other meat at the table. If I’m hungry, I eat more than 1/4, so I assume other people will too.
I don’t like my guests to feel “budgeted” on main dishes and side dishes. It’s ok when it’s for appetizers and desserts – e.g. if you have eggrolls and there are 6 for 6 people or if you have melon slices for dessert and there’s one slice per person.
Yeah, but I don’t like when Shabbat meals get out of hand. I agree that people should feel there is enough food but things can go so overboard! I totally support serving a regular amount of dishes and courses even though it’s a Shabbat meal. Normal for main course in my mind is one protein and one vegetable. No carb necessary because people eat lots of challah at a Shabbat meal. I understand if maybe someone wants to prepare two proteins and two vegetables (maybe one raw and one cooked) so that people with different preferences have what to choose from, but more than that, though it might be impressive and yummy, seems like too much.
(Interestingly, while I’m writing this, I’m thinking of one person I know who always prepares quite a few dishes but their food is so unbelievable that I’m happy for all the choice. :) )
Leah, caterers allocate portions for main courses So do restaurants. People who entertain at home can too. The idea that there has to be enough for people to eat enormous amounts is a cultural phenomenon among certain groups of Jews. Speaking for my four healthy full-sized local teenage/adult males, only one will eat substantially more than a quarter chicken at a sitting. One will eat about that or a little more, the other two significantly less. Not that that means anything just that it’s not a given that a quarter chicken is too small a portion for a man.
Another thing–it depends how many you are expecting. If it’s one family and you buy an extra chicken, okay. If you’re having thirty people and you have to buy an extra chicken for every four men so they won’t go hungry, that’s ridiculous. I do believe in having plenty of food, just not unlimited amounts of the most expensive items. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was offered more than a quarter chicken.
If you’re having eight people, then this is kind of a minimal (and super basic) menu, provided you have enough for everyone to take a good amount of everything for friday night:
1)soup (in winter – if no soup, then you probably need a second starch in the main course)
2)hummus/matbucha/eggplant/green salad
3) chicken/starch /veggie /
4) 2 kinds of dessert (usually one cake and one fruit)
Most caterers will give you a second helping if you ask for it. I’ve certainly walked out of restaurants feeling hungry. I’ve been at people’s houses and felt uncomfortable taking more food despite still being hungry (or there just wasn’t any more). It was extremely unpleasant for me, especially at times when I was staying for the rest of Shabbat and couldn’t just go home and have a snack.
When I make a meal, I like to make sure that there is enough meat that everyone can have a little more than 1/4 (I would serve ~ 2 chickens for 6 people rather than 2 for 8) and I make sure to make a lot of some of the cheaper side dishes so that people can fill up if they’re still hungry. If you assume that on average, people eat 1/4 but some people take more than they eat and you’re not going to take it back from their plate… then a little bit of overage isn’t a bad bet.
Plus, I like having left over chicken on Monday. I can’t stand it on Sunday, but on Monday, it’s my favorite thing.
Just to be clear, it’s not wise to plan so carefully that you have exactly 1/4 chicken per person. You never know how many will turn up, and I’m happy to be able to offer seconds. I still think that 1/4 chicken is a reasonable estimation when there is plenty of other food available.
Re. chicken 1/4s, I often use poultry shears to further separate thighs and drumsticks, as that can help ‘stretch’ the chicken a bit more. This way people can take seconds in a more moderate way. Sometimes you want just a little more chicken, but a whole large bottom-quarter is too much and winds up mostly uneaten when started.
Related – There is something irksome about watching someone at your table pile food onto their plate and eventually wind up throwing most of it away. It’s not that we’re living on that extent of a strict food allotment budget, but I’m just sensitive to waste (eg when it’s just family, I encourage my kids to eat one another’s leftovers, and will eat theirs myself, rather than throw away a large portion of still-good food). Try to gradually take extra helpings, ensuring that you will actually eat most of it!
All I know is that 99% of the time I see people serving way too much on Shabbat. I see over and over again, people plan how much they’re making and then suddenly make one more thing just in case. I cannot stand that it’s become accepted to stuff the guests. Yes, it’s nice to show up and there is plenty of food, but there is something unhealthy about becoming used to excessive meals. In that vein, I think a quarter per person is plenty. :)
OK, I’m feeling a rant coming on. In general, for years I’ve had a serious issue with the way “we” eat on Shabbat. When I was working as a dietitian, people would come to me and the religious people often found their food woes centered around Shabbat. Meaning, somehow during the week things were OK but on Shabbat everything was out of hand. The meals are according to the day’s schedules whether you are hungry or not (including eating late at night on Friday in the summer). Then, the amount of food you are serving or being served is really quite crazy but, what can you do? It’s accepted to serve huge amounts of food! It would be embarrassing to have someone over and not offer a million dishes.
I always said to my clients that it’s ironic. SHabbat is supposed to be the holiest day of the week but the way we eat on that day is far from holy.
Of course this is also coming from a personal place. One could say that it is my (and all my clients’) lack of self control leading to over-eating on Shabbat. But then why do I always hear from people, “Uch, I’m stuffed!” on Shabbat?
Anyway, that’s my rant. I think the whole Shabbat meal thing needs to be rethought. When I’ve been to people who don’t serve excessively, I love it.
I am sure that not everyone has an issue with this but many many people do and it’s a serious one for health and spiritual reasons.