HaBitza

A view of the singles events of the future

Often, “experts” will invite singles to an event where they tell the singles how to date better and what they might be doing wrong.

Here’s another option: Invite singles to an event where you give them a pep-talk and tell them how much you respect them. Oh, you can’t tell a whole group of people that you respect them because they’re all individuals? Then how can you tell all of us what we’re doing wrong?

As a friend recently said to me, specifically because we’re single, we don’t have the close relationship with someone that could potentially provide us with a pretty constant flow of encouragement. Theoretically, in a committed relationship, you could have someone who supports and encourages you. On the other hand, as a single, most of us don’t have a source of really solid support, someone telling us all the time how great we are (despite our flaws).

This is a basic psycological question: When someone is in a difficult situation (whether it’s that they have a bad habit that is wrecking their lives or if they’re going through something else very difficult), is it more helpful to tell them what they’re doing wrong or to just be there for support?

Thing is, singles are often choosing to go to those types of events. It’s almost as if we’re considered irresponsible if we don’t go. How dare we not hear from the experts about what we’re doing wrong?

I don’t know! Maybe it’s a matter of balance. Whoever’s fault it is that all of us are single although we wish we weren’t, still doesn’t take away from the fact that we need tender loving care just as much as the next person, if not more. The problem is, if everyone is looking at us, thinking about how it’s our fault that we’re single, then it’s hard for them to be sympathetic to our plight. But if someone gets lung cancer after smoking for thirty years, do they still deserve no sympathy?

It’s an extreme example but I do believe that we all deserve care and support because we all do things that harm ourselves. It’s part of the human experience. Maybe it makes people feel better to point fingers at singles all the time (it’s nice to “know” whose fault something is) but really we should be feeling a lot more support from the wider community.

Vera, don’t you agree? :)

Photo by DeusXFlorida on flickr.