Is there a list?

I need him to have 1) Blond hair 2) Blue eyes...

OK, so it turns out I have a whole theory about this… Bear with me and argue if you must.

First, let me ask you this: What are you looking for in a person? Are you looking for something intangible, more of a feeling than anything else? Or are you looking for someone who fills a list of very concrete things that you think you need in a life partner?

I think it’s both and I think that if you disregard either, you might end up in deep doodoo. Specifically, if you think it’s only a feeling, then you’re not taking as much control over your fate as possible. I say this because I totally believe that everyone has a list, whether consciously or subconsciously. But if it stays in the subconscious, a few things might happen: You could have some pretty random things on it; you might be missing some very important things; and you’re just leaving your relationships to a supposed fate which will swoop down and push you in the right direction.

Yes, I do think that there is a feeling aspect but you can’t just ignore the list.

I think it’s a good idea to think about what is on your list. What things are you expecting to see in the person you’re looking for. Religious, put together a certain way, funny, deep, easy-going, quiet… What are you hoping for? Then, after you bring the list from subconscious to conscious, you can decide which of those things should stay and which should be removed. You can think about which are more important than others and you can consider if you might have forgotten anything.

Then, when someone comes along, you can consciously compare the person to the list. (God, sounds so unromantic… Forgive me.) The person most certainly won’t have everything on the list and they will most probably have qualities you didn’t list. You can decide which things are too important to give up on and which things are worth letting go of in order to stay with the person.

Of course through all of this it’s so important that we be honest with ourselves. So, for example, we should only let go of a quality or characteristic if that feels OK. If it’s not feeling like the right thing to do, it would be wrong to just ignore that. We need to figure out why it’s difficult to let go and if that’s a legit reason to hold on or not. Also, is there something I’m hoping for but don’t want to admit it to myself so I’m subconsciously looking for it without consciously putting it on my list?

Anyway, now that I’ve analyzed this to death, I think it’s time to put it out into the world for all of you to read. Good luck to you all! It is definitely a nice little (big) theory. Now if it would only work.

P.S. haha I just told my friend that I’m a romantic. Sure doesn’t come across in this post. But I am… I believe two people can connect to have the ultimate relationship. But I believe we need to be conscious of what we’re looking for, what we’re trying to attract and what we’re attracting. Don’t you?

Photo by koalazymonkey on flickr.