Why do I freak out before a date?

Today I was taking a good look at myself as I freaked out pre-first date. And I think that the reason I freak out is because I’m absolutely petrified of any pain that might come my way. I am thinking of the different possible scenarios.

• What if he doesn’t like me?
• What if I don’t like him?
• What if we date for a while and then it doesn’t work out?
• What if I suddenly start choking in the middle of the date, I go beet-red and I’m so embarrassed?
• What if he starts choking in the middle of the date…
• … OK, you get the point.

So then I thought, “Alright, and what is the most positive possible scenario?

We meet. We like. We go out again. We keep liking…

We decide to get married…

And then I started thinking about all the possible pains that are followed by that decision. Engagement parties, fights that scare us and make us wonder if we’re making the right decision, suddenly having to make decisions together, having to go to my own wedding, pregnancy, child birth, financial difficulties…

At this point I realized something very, very important. And I came home to find that Vera had just written about the same thing from a different perspective.

No matter where you go in life, what you do, there is always potential pain. And as Vera said, as cliché as this sounds, it is our attitudes that make or break the experiences. (Read her comment on her post about how she doesn’t actually think it’s about difficulties but about our focus.)

Which is why I wrote the last post about how we are all dating heroes. Because really we are all life heroes. Life can be pretty scary but if we decide we’re going to make the decisions we think are best and let whatever’s supposed to happen, happen, it’s brave. And, of course, we’re opening up the options for wonderful things to happen.