Comments on: The dating world is harsh – is that true?

By: alisa

alisa — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 09:39:00 +0000

so Vera: I guess that seing my name you already know something unusual will come up :) kidding….
I will try and bring you back a few years….remember?
watching the dating world from this point, is different than when you are in it! isn’t it?
being in it, is not only you personally: it is also when your kids (especially daughters) reach this point in life.
walking the street is easyer than being in a dating world, lets admit it!! what makes it harsh, is the social pressure.
I have heard from more than a girl the sentence “if I knew I will certainly get married with a good guy at a later stage, I would not date to marry now”: what does that say?
yes, true: every stage and situation in life brings positive points and experiences….having said all that, dating is fun sometimes and stressful most of the times! (and I am many years past that stage…..)

By: Vera Resnick

Vera Resnick — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:47:46 +0000

Two misconceptions, I think. First of all – my argument is not that everyone has difficulties, far from it. My argument is that everyone can see their life as having difficulties – or not. Everyone can say to others – you don’t know what difficult is. But not everyone does that, and IMHO that’s really not the point. The point is how you see your life, what you focus on in it, what direction you look for. The point isn’t what isn’t there – the point is what is. How’s that for obscure.

The other point is that many people (myself included at the time) are making a choice to be single, whether conscious or unconscious. And although it seems that way from outside, many times getting married is just taking the next step in a (dare I say it) flow of events, and many married people will tell you that at some point they turned round and said “how did that happen? how did I get here?” Kids sometimes involve more choice, especially if treatments are involved, but otherwise it’s more of a “wow, we have 5 kids, how did that happen?” (yeah, yeah, get those smirks off your faces…). TBBIF. (To Be Blogged In the Future). People who started businesses maybe made more choices, but if you talk to them, often they say something like “it was the next rational step”, “it just made sense” – and you can track a flow of events. So I don’t think it’s as clear cut as you present.

By: Deena

Deena — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:20:05 +0000

Vera, wow, good job! First, I think your example of “Who are you to be walking in the street” is such a great example and is mamash mamchish your point because there were and are place and times when certain people DID say to others, “Who are you to be walking in the street?” Nazis to Jews after curfew, probably blacks in certain neighourhoods years ago in the U.S. So really, who is anyone to say to anyone else, “Who are you to…” Today it might look like it makes total sense but in 10 years it’ll be like, “Um, who the heck were YOU to be asking that person that question?!”

Just one thing about your argument that everyone has difficulties. I think it’s true. I was thinking about it today and hopefully will write a blog post about it – How pain is a part of life and it’s just a question of how you deal with that. But let me just argue just a bissele…

Are there not things in life we don’t choose (like being single) so the pain feels worse because this isn’t even the life we want as opposed to things we choose (like running your own business or getting married or having kids) where you know somewhat what you’re getting yourself into but either way you know you chose it for certain benefits so it sort of makes it “worth” it?