The arduous 100th first date

I like that word, just by the way.

It’s pretty sad that something that, in the good old days (because everything back “then” was just soooo good), was exciting, nerve-racking and intriguing, has become an annoyance for many. When you imagine the old fashioned first date, you imagine both sides being excited, the boy combing his hair in front of the mirror, putting on an extra spiffy bow-tie and his favourite slacks. The girl stands in front of her wardrobe way too long trying to decide which dress to wear, tries on more than one, puts on some bright pink or red lipstick and carefully removes her curlers.

He picks her up and they stand across from each other awkwardly. They both feeling excitement at the potential in the air.

What happens today when a 30-year-old is going on his/her 100th first date?

Look, the fact of the matter is that we’re talking about a whole other ball game. When someone goes on a first date at the age of 20, they are going on a different kind of date than someone 10 or 20 years older. First dates can become more and more difficult as the years go on. On the one hand you want to be open-minded, go out with the sincere interest in getting to know someone, but at the same time, you might prefer not to get too excited because your scientific statistic analysis has taught you that it “probably” won’t work out anyway (so far 100% of the time, that has been the case).

One of the things we’re doing here at HaBitza.com is working on changing the accepted norms when it comes to a first date. Yes, we must date like a mensch but we also must have accepted dating etiquette that makes sense! We’re living according to many first-date rules that are based on the old-fashioned first date! It’s like taking the rules for bike-riding and trying to apply them to driving a car. Some rules will fit but so many won’t and many will be missing.

So, for example, we still have the poll up asking who should pay on the first date. Around 50% of the people said the guy should. But wait. Stop for a second. Why in the world should the guy pay? Chivalry? To show he’s generous? What about the loss the guys incurs by paying for all those girls with whom there isn’t even a second date? What about the feelings a girl might have, taking all this money, over and over and over again?

Should the attitude not change by now?

One girl once told me she looks at first dates like interviews. She sets a time at a certain cafe she likes and speaks to them for an hour or so and then lets them go. I like the idea because it’s potentially efficient and not heartwrenching. On the other hand it makes me sad that we’ve gotten to the point where a date might lose the excitement of the Original Date (you like that?:)) but at the same time, maybe it’s lost it already anyhow. Or maybe, changing the rules to fit reality can help bring back more positive feelings around the first date.

Definitely I believe that the nature of the first date has changed. The question is, how do we finally accept that and create a framework where the rules match the experience.