If I really wanted it, I would change my profile picture.
There is an expectation that we should show ourselves in a certain light while we’re waiting to meet our beshert. We need to make sure to be put together and normal and nice… All with the intention of attracting the “right” person.
A couple days ago I put up a new profile picture on facebook… Fine, you want to see it? Here:
Me at my best. What's not to love?
A kind facebook friend wrote me the following about this picture:
“the smiling face as profile photo works
the current one will only attract the kinds of guys who want to share misery”
There is for sure truth in what he wrote! I mean I look like a lush, for starters. I also look just weird. And if I really wanted to meet my beshert, wouldn’t I care about what perception people are going to get from the picture I choose as my profile picture?
So, in following his advice, I put up the following picture as my new profile picture:
Disclaimer: The litre beer wasn't actually mine. I was just borrowing it.
So much better right?
OK look, when you’re 20, you might be able to put a bit of your creative or quirky side aside in hopes of meeting the right person. But what happens for a lot of people is that we get older and we realize that we’re not fully living our lives because one of our main focuses is to look right in order to attract the “right” person. And then many of us say, “Sorry. I know that right now I’m sort of looking like an idiot or a lush or a weirdo, but I can’t keep living my life in a state of waiting.”
I know it’s only a picture on facebook so maybe I should give in and put up one of my classic smiley ones, but right now I’m revelling in my drinking pictures. And hopefully Mr. Knight in Shining Armor, sensitive soul that he is, will be willing to give me a chance even if he happens upon my fb profile first time when I still am drinking that bottomless cup of beer.
P.S. You know this whole idea is so ingrained in me that I have some guilt when I put a picture like this up! RIDICULOUS!
Second photo by Joel Haber.
If Mr. Right comes across your facebook profile, he will look at this picture and think either, “this girl’s a lush” – in which case he’s not Mr. Right- or, “she looks like someone funny & quirky. Maybe I can look at her other pictures.”
And ultimately, if he’s basing his entire perception of you based on a picture, he’s definitely *not* Mr. Right. I say, show your creative, quirky side. If you hold back, and try to present a particular image to the world, you (and I mean the generic “you”) run the risk of forgetting what your real image is.
AND, if everyone is faking it, how will all the Mr. and Mrs. Rights recognize each other when they see each other?
Mr. Facebook Friend Free Advice Giver (Will Send the Bill in the Mail Sayer) just wrote me the following:
“as one, i can tell you a well known secret, guys for the most part aren’t too bright and don’t have a clue when it comes to relationships
what we do know is what attracts us – and once attracted it either lasts or it doesn’t but it is the yardstick (like first impressions) against which all things are judged
the profile pic is your first impression for someone who doesn’t yet know you – oh yeah – guys are visually oriented at least initially – so even if the picture is representing how you feel – it doesn’t represent who you are – or how you would want to feel
bottom line – go with the best photo”
To the advice giver: Thanks, hun, I know you mean well… Now go take a hike :)
To the drinker: Cheers! ;)
:)
I certainly appreciate the advice and will be walking the Israel Way as soon as it warms up a bit and the flowers are in bloom.
I love seeing a picture like the one above as a profile photo, and not just because I took that photo (and loaned you the big beer)!
I don’t think “lush,” but I see it and realize you’re not a prude about having a drink. I also think “fun.” And most importantly I think, “Clearly she’s relaxed and cool enough to put up a picture that she likes without worrying what people will ‘think’ about her based on it!”
Good choice!
Thank you, Joel! Those are all very nice things of you to say.
welllll, all I have to say is my profile picture is of a purple flower, I wonder what that means hmmmmmm, maybe I am trying to attract a gardener…… LOL!
Deena, let me just say that we were brought up with humour and fun in our lives. If you are looking for Mr. Right then he will have to be like that too.
Dev, for sure but the problem is we’re not talking about once you know someone. Anyone who knows me knows that those pictures show rare occurrences in my life so they’re just sort of humorous. But if you’re seeing the picture and it’s when you know nothing about me, maybe someone will get the wrong impression. No?
I wouldn’t think that unless, besides the pic, your whole FB profile was full of Free Shot super-pokes from your friends, quiz results for “What tattoo are you?”, wall posts about which parties you are/are not planning to attend and why, etc. Otherwise, I would see that you have other interests and conclude that you seem like a fun, laid-back person, who also enjoys the occasional draft beer… But that’s just me :)