I get excited. Is that so terrible?
I wonder, am I killing myself slowly by letting myself get excited every time I am set up with a new guy? I’m also nervous as hell – but I’m excited by the prospect of maybe this time meeting the right one. Maybe this time, it being the last.
And then I have the urge to smack myself. Why am I just setting myself up to be hurt? Why do I do that to myself? Am I just hurting myself over and over again for no reason?
But I’ve spoken to people who don’t get excited… usually that sentence ends with “any more.” These people used to get excited and nervous but either forced themselves to stop so as not to get hurt or they naturally just stopped feeling excited, I guess after enough disappointments. Do I want to be where they’re at? I don’t think so.
It’s obviously a real inner conflict with me because on the one hand I get excited, on the other hand I wonder if it’ll ever happen. This is just one of the many places where being in the status of “single but wish I wasn’t” can be pretty painful.
I think it’s good to be excited. Once you stop being excited, it’s time to take a break from dating for a while.
I totally understand what you’re talking about here. The excitement can be great, but it can also set you up for major disappointment. After many years of painful relationships, I definitely prohibited myself from feeling excited over someone new. Perhaps it saves us from hurt, but I’m slowly learning that pain is always part of the game.
It is true. Pain is part of the game and we need to figure out how to minimize it without ridding ourselves of the “important” experiences. Some pain is worth it, I guess… To me, I can’t imagine not being nervous before a date! I know I might be getting my hopes up but if there is something I want (in this case, to find a husband) and I’m doing something that might get me what I want (like going on a date), should there not be a certain amount of expectation there? But then I think maybe the people who don’t get excited (anymore) are better off than me because maybe they’re suffering less… I don’t know!
Oh G-d… This is so so true; it isn’t easy going into date after after date “wide open” like that. I describe it as “losing a little piece of my soul” each time (even if it was “just one date”). But I think Mark’s right, if you stop being excited, it’s time for a break. And I think a mature, self-aware person will realize when that happens and give themselves that break, otherwise they’re just wasting both their time and their date’s…