Just tell her…
"Day after day creeps in this petty pace..." - bet WS always called back
A while back we had a poll about how long to wait after a date to call back to continue or end it. The 48-hour rule won more or less hands down.
But in our naivete we didn’t take another option into account: don’t call at all.
Someone (you know who you are…) told me yesterday that he thinks well, why call if it was clear that the date wasn’t going anywhere. It’s obvious, isn’t it? Apparently there are other guys (you know who you are even if I don’t!) who think and act the same way.
If it’s really obvious, and discussed at the end of the date that’s one thing. But if it isn’t…and she’s interested and you’re not… this is how it goes (and this is for real):
Day 1 PD (post-date): When will he call? I’ll be at work today and can’t answer my cell, but maybe he’ll leave a message. It was such a great date (ah, poor deluded maiden), I’m sure he’ll call today!
Day 2 PD: He must have been really busy yesterday. But I’m sure I’ll speak to him today. Our names go really well together – I must admit I scribbled his name once or twice at work. It was such a great date, people keep asking me why I’m smiling the whole time.
Day 3 PD: There were two calls from a private number while I was in the restroom – it must have been him! He must have been too embarrassed to leave a message. I hope he’ll call again today – I wonder if my phone is shower-proof. Wonder what my parents will think of him. He’s got such a great smile – I think he’ll make a fantastic father.
Day 4 PD: Still no call. I’m sure it’s not his fault. Maybe he was called up or something. Oh, no, maybe he was in an accident! I’m keeping the next few evenings free in case he calls, so we’ll be able to meet up. I wonder if I should call him? I’m starting to worry…
Day 5 PD: Now I’m really confused. He still hasn’t called. Did I say something to upset him? He seemed so interested! He was smiling at me the whole time! (time to learn to distinguish between a glassy-eyed manic grin and true amusement…) Should I speak to the person who set us up? But that would be so embarrassing. Maybe someone said something bad about me to him? I have to discuss this with my friends. Maybe I did something wrong?
ad infinitem…
If you’re not interested, call and let her know. If you can’t bring yourself to call – text it. E-mail it. Fax it. Just please don’t put it into your facebook status update in the hope that she’ll read it.
Photo from googlisti at flickr.
I strongly agree that the guy should call after a date. I do not think, however, that texting is OK. It’s a cop-out.
I agree with you that it’s a cop-out. But – if it’s a text or nothing I think any form of direct communication is preferable. What I found is that the guys who don’t call have no idea what is going on in the girl’s mind. Also it’s not uncommon that one side thinks it’s obvious that the date isn’t going anywhere – and the other side thinks the date was fantastic. I think it’s very important to be able to move on as quickly as possible if one partner is definitely not interested, otherwise the cycle of thinking, analysing and hurting carries on for the other partner for much longer than necessary. If the only way to get the guy to do it is through texting, so be it, it’s better than confusing silence IMO.
Thanks for telling them, Vera! Someone’s got to… :)