HaBitza

You know, you might just break Froug's (and your own) single spell!

I try not to write anything that I am not willing to live up to myself. So lets just say, without getting into details, that from certain actions I recently took, I have gained full rights to write this post without worrying about being hypocritical.

Do you know where I’m going with this? Peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop just sitting there and DO something (well, first finish reading this)! We talk about the idea of girls taking more initiative but the truth is I think that both “sides” should be taking more initiative.

You don’t know how freeing it is to take action/control/charge!

To be clear, you don’t have to be freakin’ in love with the other person before you ask them out for a drink. You could just think he/she seems like a pretty nice person and you’re curious about them, feel like getting to know them better.

And feel like holding your heart over a cliff, right?

Of course that’s the problem. That we have around a bazillion (look it up) fears connected to the idea, most going back to the fact that we are supposedly making ourselves SOOOO vulnerable by asking someone out. Lets try to list the fears:

1. She might say no – I’ll feel rejected.
2. She might tell me I’m an idiot for having asked and don’t I know she’s way too good for me – I’ll feel horrible.
3. He might say yes – and then maybe I won’t be interested anymore.
4. He might just ignore me and never get back to me and then I’ll feel stupid (and bitter).
5. We might quickly realize we don’t want to date and then it’s all awkward forever and ever (and ever). (And when I’m still in the Bitza in 10 years from now, I’ll have to quickly slip down Hama’apilim or Palmach or Hagdud Ha’ivri when I see her coming. Imagine the amount of time wasted from having to take longer routes all the time!)
6. We might get married. (chas!)
7. What other fears am I forgetting?

Well ask yourself this: When I’m 80, would one of my regrets be, “Damn, what was I thinking when I asked so-and-so out for a cup of coffee?” Whether the person says yes or no would this be a regret?

We are so worried about putting ourselves out there, making ourselves vulnerable… Are we worrying about the right things? Someone very wise once said we don’t worry about the right things. And anyway, will you look silly? Maybe you’ll look like the coolest bravio for putting yourself out there and making such a real effort. Maybe the person will be attracted to your proactiveness. Maybe even if they aren’t interested they’ll tell you they’re very complimented and they really respect the initiative. (Note to people asked out by the brave ones – this is what you should tell them if you’re not interested!)

And quickly a note about girls… (yeah, you.)

I get the feeling that although there really isn’t much difference these days between guys or girls when it comes to initiating, that us girls use our female status as an excuse not to put ourselves out there. We’re so scared of being rejected but if you think about it, do you think guys are any less scared of that? To make it “worse,” because so few guys seem to be initiating (from what I’ve seen/heard), it’s an even better excuse for the girls not to ask any guys out. Because, if the guys, the ones who should be initiating, aren’t, then why should we, the girls, do it?!

Um, because I thought we wanted to get married. Remember?

Oh, and one thing about friends…

Let me just say that friends can be extremely integrally (pretend it’s a word) important in this process of making yourself vulnerable. If you can find a friend who can hold your hand as you build up the guts to press send (or whatever) and maybe promise you waffles if you do it, that can be very, very helpful (and expensive for the friend).

A friend can remind you you’re awesome whatever the potential date says and that you’re brave for putting yourself out there.

Gooooooooooo TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photo by Faye Pini at flickr.