HaBitza

Because of this site I’m getting an education – I didn’t know anything about the beauties, the perils and the wackiness of online dating sites.  Seems you can define exactly what you want in a partner, like the perfect shopping list.  And especially where the matchmaker is an algorithm rather than a human being, you get exactly what you asked for.  And if you didn’t remember to ask for it – well, tough.  Not just that – you can present yourself as the girl/guy of your fantasies, how you’ve always wanted people to see you.  And the beauty is, no-one will ever know… (manic chuckles in the background).

So at this point various areas of my brain catch up with each other, and come to this brilliant conclusion: it seems like you* present yourself the way you want others to see you, and are matched with the perfect image of someone presenting themselves as they want others to see them… Halloo, is there anyone real out there? Urgently required, some facebook therapy, but whoops!  It’s more of the same!  People presenting themselves as they want others to see them to others hiding behind their own fantasy profiles…and let’s not mention LinkedIn, oh, I just mentioned it, too bad…
* “you” – not you personally, all the you’s out there, but if I write “one presents oneself the way one wants others to see one”, then one will be accused of being a Brit… which one is…

So the internet has created a situation where basically lots of avatars are relating nicely (or not-so-nicely) to each others, while their core human beings stay at home and practice typing…

But there’s something more.  I didn’t intend just to write a confused piece about who is real, who isn’t, and the abyss separating them.

I think part of the problem is too much information.  Let’s face it, do we always want what we ask for?  When I was in my early twenties and into delicate, understated jewelry, my aunt brought me a ring with a huge eilat stone.  She smiled fondly as she gave me this monstrosity, saying “I remember you always liked very big jewelry”.  And being well dragged up, I couldn’t bring myself to say “duh, that was when I was, like, eight”.

Do you really think you can shop for another human being the way you’d shop for shabbat lunch?  Can you know exactly what you want?

More often than not, you can know perhaps something about what you don’t want.  But to define what you want in another person means you know everything there is to know about all the variables… and sometimes when the outlines are too sharp, too defined, there’s too much information out there.   I think a lot of people rule out possible partners because there’s too much information.  On the flip side – there’s a lot of disappointment from dates which should have been perfect – but fell far short of the mark.  Mr/Ms Perfect is not always Mr/Ms Right.

I think it must be possible to find a balance between the rather vague “looking for a mensch”, and the excessively specific “looking for a woman who’s exactly a size 8, with size 35 shoes, prefers wearing pastels, speaks french, german, finnish and hebrew, dislikes lasagne, loves rice pudding,” blah blah blah.

I suppose “blah blah blah” must look quite interesting on an internet profile.  Must try it.  Oh, forgot.  I’m married.