HaBitza

Hold on tight – here comes some serious science… not really but this post contains some jargon.  Warning:  overdosing on jargon can be bad for your health…Warning to all anthropologists: taking this post too seriously may be bad for your professional reputation…

The latest anthropological research has unearthed some particularly interesting facts about human evolution.  These facts were previously known, but like the proverbial proboscis, also known as the nose on your face, were not correctly assessed and evaluated due to the proximity between subject and object of study.

It is now known that the biped classified as homo sapiens (although exactly how sapiens this species is no-one is quite sure) after going through mammalian birth and soul-wrenching puberty, morphs into what some consider to be a completely different species.

This species has now been classified as homo nuptans, the evolutionary stage that emerges after traditional mating rituals and bonding have been completed. Some experts claim that this species is so far removed from the original homo sapiens that there may even be a missing link involved.  Detractors say the missing link has been found to be situated between these researchers’ ears.

Homo Nuptans, contend the “pro-alien” experts as they have been fondly nicknamed, is different from Homo Sapiens in many ways:

• The sapiens bit seems to be greatly reduced, with each member of the homo nuptans team contributing towards the collective IQ of the homo nuptans pair.
• Posture changes drastically but eratically, some homo nuptans seem to regress towards a “knuckling” gait, whereas others seem to stand taller and larger than before.
• The female homo nuptans often changes shape so drastically following reproduction that it is questionable whether this is a further stage of evolution, and this is being studied by eminent scientists worldwide.
• Homo nuptans of both sexes have tremendous arm muscles and superior hand-eye coordination, suited to the favourite sport of homo nuptans pairs – throwing heavy objects at each other and just managing to miss, causing extreme distress but no lasting damage.
• Many, if not most homo nuptans have no memory of any previous existence as homo sapiens.

Is homo nuptans truly a different species?  Has it mutated from homo sapiens, or have homo nuptans come to us from distant extraterrestrial civilisations?  And most importantly, have homo nuptans come amongst us to learn, or to teach?

We may never know.  Homo nuptans are at present at grave risk of extinction.  Their numbers grow less with every generation.  Whole geographic areas, especially swampy environs, are now empty of homo nuptans, and these areas are growing.

Can homo nuptans survive?  It may be up to you…

Photo: Barbary Macaque Macaca sylvanus, by Dave-F on flickr