Shhh… I attended a singles event

Dare I admit that I attended my first singles event. Ever. I’m serious! I cannot remember… Damn! As I wrote those words I remembered one horrid singles event I attended years ago. It was such a depressing experience, I must have attempted to block it out of my memory.

Comment retracted: This was not my first, though I thought at the time it was.

But anyhow, as I always try to be honest, I will have to admit that the dinner I attended a couple nights ago was really quite nice. It’s really all about the people and they sat me at a table with people who I really enjoyed. And I was grateful that the organizers didn’t have any ideas of making us play games, nor did they have us change seats in the middle in order to maximize the number of people we’d meet throughout the evening.

One could argue that more games and more musical chairs would have made the dinner more “effective.” My vote isn’t in about that yet. But it definitely was way more comfortable being at the event as it was.

Hilariously, I was sitting and talking to a few people during the dessert/mingling part and a guy (one of the people attending) came up to us, stood up on his virtual soap box and told us that in order to make this evening worth while, we should not suffice with just having casual conversation with people of the opposite sex but, instead, be sure to follow-up with people of interest, afterwards. I loved that this stranger was so proactive, going around the room sharing his idea with everyone there.

I see how my opinions and feelings change over time. A few weeks ago I expressed an aversion to marrieds organizing singles events. Since then I have been thinking more and more how important it is that people try to help each other. I wrote about the importance of friends setting up friends and honestly, anyone who wants to help, kol hakavod to them.

Since I started having that attitude, I admit that still, my first reaction when seeing the planners of the event was, “What do you know, Mr. and Mrs. Married?” and, “Do you think you’re better than us and we’re a bunch of nebachs who need your help?” But in the end, the stronger feelings I had were those of gratitude and respect for these people who were trying to make a difference in something that didn’t affect them directly. This is to be admired, in my opinion. Especially since, if it’s only singles planning singles events, then the moment they find their besherts, they drop off the scene and leave a void until a different single person picks up the reins and goes with it. If, on the other hand, someone is organizing events no matter their personal status, there will most probably be more staying power.

We had a poll up on HaBitza.com a couple weeks ago where we asked you if you like/hate singles events. It seemed that a large percentage of those who answered, hate them. But after attending this past event, the way it was set up, it was nothing more than a very nice social event. I met some new people, talked to old ones and enjoyed some very interesting conversation.

Maybe single events don’t have to be so torturous or, an even bigger maybe: Maybe singles events really aren’t so bad but people are embarrassed to admit they like them. As someone said to me the other day, “No one is going to say, ‘Oh, I love singles events! Why I just went to three this week!’”

Of course there is the possibility that this singles event was especially nice – particularly because they didn’t do anything singles-y… for better and for worse. Because one piece of feedback I got about the event afterwards was that not much tachles came out of it. I know that’s true for myself. There wasn’t anyone there that seemed particularly interested in me or was proactive about being in touch afterwards. So maybe this event was too comfortable. Not that I’d necessarily be willing to go to an event that was more in your face about it being a singles event.

But still I ask, what is the deal with singles events? Are they really as bad as many singles make them out to be? Is it possible that any proactivity connected to finding your beshert – whether it’s going to a matchmaker or signing up to a dating website – has a certain taboo attached to it and so it’s much easier to talk against them while really they aren’t that bad and they can be helpful in our searched for the right person to marry?

And most importantly: Will I ever go to another singles event again?

(Today I wrote a post about the pervasive taboo.)