This bifurcatin’ blog

It’s decent!  really it is!  just look up the definition of bifurcation:

Bi`fur`ca´tion:  n.  A forking, or division into two branches (from Websters online).

As you know, this blog was conceptualised by two very different people – Deena and myself – with two very different outlooks on life.  We share a belief that change is possible.  We have very different views on how change can come about.

Since I’m a homeopath (yeah, yeah, I’m plugging my day job, gotta make a living somehow…), anyone who knows anything about homeopathy knows that a lot of what we do is counterintuitive.   I believe that many solutions or improvements can be found through creative, counter-intuitive thinking.

Because of this orientation, looking back at my own experiences and talking to friends and acquaintances about theirs, I’ve come to believe that there is a need for a two-pronged approach (here we go with the bifurcation again…)

- there is a need for some kind agreed-upon code, to prevent misunderstandings or offence-givings or offence-takings that steal so much emotional energy in a situation that is already fraught.  We address that need in the rules – many of which people believe are innate, but the poor soul who hasn’t internalized them hasn’t a clue what’s going on.  Like the guy eating his sandwich in shul on Yom Kippur because he thought it was a feast day…

- there’s a need for more creativity in looking at the first call and first date.  This is the part I’d like to explain to you, the section we’ve decided to call Vera’s Dating Game, ‘cos only a truly warped mind could come up with this one. (sorry Deena…)

I’ve come to believe that traditional dating approaches often don’t help move people towards marriage.  Very often the conversation gets either too serious, or too superficial.  Both are a way of avoiding actually getting to know the other person.  Starting to get some idea of how they see life.  Starting to get a sense of whether you can relate to that.  Even starting to develop your own real in-jokes.  Think about it – which question is more intimate:  ”What do you like (or hate) about your job?”, or “When did you laugh out loud last, and what made you do it?”  Ask people around you, see their responses.  See who is letting you see a true ray of sunshine from their own personal world, and who is just trotting out a line, a speech, something in line with how they want you to see them.

While you’re at it – remember those situations when you misunderstood something another person said?  When you made a hasty judgment about somebody else’s motives and didn’t realize till it was too late to mend the breech?  It’s so easy in a first call to jump to conclusions.  She sounds apathetic?  But did you know she didn’t get to sleep till 4:00 a.m.?  He sounds judgmental?  But did you know he just got off the phone with his brother who is in trouble again and he always has to sort things out?  She sounds hysterical?  Did you know that…  When you let a first call go beyond making arrangements to meet, the way is open for all these gremlins to prejudice you and destroy possible relationships before they even start.

There’s more, of course, but I won’t write it all here, gotta keep something for future posts.

Are you willing to take up the challenge?  Do you dare to ask someone when they laughed out loud last, and why?  Do you dare answer? With a total stranger?

If you have the courage, try the Dating Game.  And keep us posted.

photo by Jeremy Burgin on flickr.com