Is there a problem? And is that important?

Someone said to me recently – maybe there is no problem.  People are single until they meet their soulmate.  Then they get married.  The soulmate relationship is magical.  The others aren’t.

I don’t think the issue is whether there is a problem or not.  I think the question – in every area of life – should not be “what am I doing wrong?”  More, the focus should be – just like an engineer upgrading a product – “where can this be better?”  Or more specifically – “what can I, with my strengths and abilities, do better?”

This is true in single life and in married life, at work and at play, with others and alone.   “What can I do better?” is the question that fuels progress, deepens spiritual life (although sometimes leads to hated chumros), bonds relationships.  The magical and mystical organism that is the human body/mind constantly operates on this principle in health – “how can I heal better?  how can I strengthen better?”  Athletes deal with this all the time – not looking at a slow track time as “how could I do that” but motivating with “how can I do it better?”.

Singles and marrieds spend a fortune on coaching, counselling, therapy, etc. trying to resolve their problems.  A whole area of strengths coaching, positive psychology, self-help books has flourished because of the need to move people beyond guilt, self-blame, apathy, into the dynamic and possibility-laden world of  “how can I do it better?”.  Those who cannot move beyond “what am I doing wrong?” remain mired in the rut.  Those who look for improvement use the question “how can I do it better” as a springboard to wonderful things.

And when we stop asking how we can do things better, physically, spiritually, emotionally, we begin to die a little.