HaBitza

Last week I mentioned internet dating a couple of times in passing. Someone pointed out to me that the impression I might have been giving our dear readers is that I have something against internet dating. Chas ve-shoe-laces. I am equally against all kinds of dating. :) Kidding.

Seriously, I am not against online dating. I actually think it’s an amazing tool and I only wish that more people would make the leap and get an online dating profile. I keep on hearing about people who met through dating websites, including two weeks ago when two of my friends got engaged within days of each other; one met her beau through jdate and the other through syas (saw you at sinai – a site for religious people to find dates through a matchmaker of their choice).

I just think it’s a matter of refining how we do it and how the sites are run. Trying to meet someone online brings up certain challenges but most of them are possible to overcome if you have them in mind.

For one, it’s easier not to be your true self. As I keep saying, and I apologize if it’s annoying, it’s so important to try to be authentic and real. Online it’s easier not to be than if you were facing a matchmaker, talking to them in person (or at least on the phone).

The other day I was refining an online profile I have and I was asked to click on four character traits that I felt defined who I am. I was looking at them and as I had a hard time choosing, I noticed the thought process going on in my head. I was slightly appalled because I thought I was good at being real. But there were two things going through my head:

1. Oh, do I want the guys to know that I’m this kind of person? Yikes.

2. I do think I have this trait but I feel like it’s showing off if I click it so maybe I shouldn’t.

Finally I asked myself, “What would my best friend say about me?” and then I was able to click the traits I felt defined me pretty well. But what freaked me out is that I almost didn’t realize that I was thinking that way and so I would have clicked on the traits that I wanted to show myself to be instead of the traits I thought myself to be.

There are other challenges around building your profile and going through other people’s profiles so I think I will have to have some follow-ups on online dating. It’s a pretty big topic unto itself. I’m very curious though, which are your favourite online dating website? Frumster (Jwed)? Dosi Date? Jdate, Saw you at Sinai, jretromatch?