The already existing dating rules
Ah yes, it happened one night and “one night” was, specifically, last night when I was invited out to dinner.
Sometimes (read: always) when people I’m hanging out with find out about habitza.com, discussion about dating ensues. As I try to explain the site, I might mention things like SMSing a rejection, the 48-hour rule (the poll with that question is up this week) or who calls who, and suddenly everyone is discussing dating etiquette. Last night was exciting times.
One idea that made me think was that there are already existing dating rules. Vera and I are trying to create The Rules but they are actually often based at least somewhat on already existing unwritten but somewhat accepted rules. For example, this week we’re asking you if a guy should call within 48 hours of the date. And one girl last night was saying that really, for the most part, she has seen that that rule exists in Israeli religious/traditional dating for marriage.
I haven’t been back in Israel long enough to have a feel for what rules are accepted and which aren’t but from what I remember before I left, there was one guy that didn’t call me back but it was right at the beginning of my dating career so I waited (I think 1-2 weeks) until I asked the person who set us up to find out what the deal was. Turned out he thought that if he wasn’t interested, he should just not call and that would get the point across. He was Canadian and so maybe he’s used to that being the norm there, I don’t know. Here it doesn’t seem to be and I don’t remember that happening much after that.
Creating a common ground here at habitza.com in order to refine the rules and consciously think about them, is very important, in my opinion. The goal? Making dating more pleasant. If there are accepted rules you can follow with a certain amount of confidence then hopefully you won’t leave your date in the dust thinking, “What the hell just happened?” and, of course, “I’d never set that person up with my friends…”
