Comments on: SMSing after a first date – a no-no

By: SMSing “break up” is all about perspective. « HaBitza – Date like a Mensch

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:23:37 +0000

[...] with someone again (obviously before anything substantial has been built between the two people), people’s reactions were pretty strongly against the [...]

By: Deena

Deena — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:47:02 +0000

Jess, sounds so harsh what you say. I actually just wrote a post about how rejection hurts even after one date (http://habitza.com/2010/01/01/rejection-hurts-robots-dont-read-you-wont-understand/) and I found a few other people agreeing with the sentiments. Is this a major lack of self esteem? Maybe it’s just hard to be turned down over and over and over again. It’s amazing how even when someone is turned down by someone they didn’t really like anyway, they still feel a pang of hurt.

The dating game is not necessarily fun for all. Some people might take it more lightly while others might find it more emotionally exhausting. Is that really so crazy to you that some people find it more emotionally exhausting while others find it more fun? And does that necessarily say something bad about either?

By: Rejection hurts. (Robots, don’t read. You won’t understand.) « HaBitza – Date like a Mensch

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 10:13:20 +0000

[...] single can be very tiring. We were recently talking about smsing someone after a first date if you don’t want to go out again and one of the reasons some people were for it was that it [...]

By: JessRKM

JessRKM — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:12:27 +0000

One date is one date. If it sucks…if the guy sucks…if the guy thinks I suck…its ONE date. People who think that its a cop out or rude, etc. to text that youre not interested (I would hardly call it a break up text)…need to seek therapy for their sad self esteem issues and stop projecting it all over the place. I’d much rather some guy I went out with once text me that he thinks I suck that have to waste my time having some strained stupid conversation where he coughs, spits, and stutters all over himself while he tries to “let me down easy.”

By: The already existing dating rules « HaBitza – Date like a Mensch

The already existing dating rules « HaBitza – Date like a Mensch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:03:59 +0000

[...] discussion about dating ensues. As I try to explain the site, I might mention things like SMSing a rejection, the 48-hour rule (the poll with that question is up this week) or who calls who, and suddenly [...]

By: Vera Resnick

Vera Resnick — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:13:25 +0000

Dare I say it…all right, I’ll say it…the girl doesn’t always see it as bad news…oh, but that was bad news so I shouldn’t have written it, no seriously… In these days of advanced communications, a lot of bad news is either delivered by text, e-mail or blog comment – or it doesn’t get delivered at all. The question is whether speed is more important than possibly misplaced tact and sensitivity. Have to admit – I really liked your examples though! A bit like the use of automated switchboards on an emergency line. Also these days, you pick up your medical results online, so if anything isn’t there and one is called in to see the doc it’s probably tehillim-time. Chas Veshalom. Let’s stick with the good news. Amen.

By: Deena

Deena — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:24:29 +0000

Adam, I feel like Ish’s comment basically is the answer to your questioning what’s so bad about it. What’s bad about it is that for some people it feels horribly rude. It feels like a cop-out. And even if the person might have good intentions – and it’s not just that they’re trying to make their own lives easier – the other person might think, “What, and he couldn’t even give me a call?”

By: Deena

Deena — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:19:47 +0000

p_almonius, good question… I think maybe it shouldn’t be that easy to dispose of people and the more removed you make it, the easier it is. Even going through a matchmaker to say no is better because you still have to “answer” to a human. Does that make sense? It’s like religious dating has become set up for the One Date Syndrome already and this just makes it worse.

I’m a big talker, of course, because I’ve got Zero Date Syndrome. :)

By: Adam Ehad

Adam Ehad — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:32:19 +0000

Interesting stuff.
I used to think (and still do, in a way) that dumping someone by text after a first date was a fine thing to do. After all, it is very embarrassing for them to be told “to their face” that you don’t like them. Surely it is sparing their feelings so much more to just do it in a way that excludes that embarrassment – or at least that awkwardness. That’s what I used to think, but after I did exactly that once, only to find out that the girl in question was extremely angry, I’m not so sure…

By: Ish Notmyfault

Ish Notmyfault — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 23:09:02 +0000

I counted 6 people who thought that texting a “breakup” is a good idea. There are multiple trains of thought on this issue for me:
a) that one date isn’t a relationship, so there’s not much to break up
b) this assumes the two aren’t using an intermediary to communicate interest (matchmaker, or similar)

But I’m going with option C…

ARE YOU KIDDING??? How can you text someone that it’s over??? That’s the most impersonal, rude idea I’ve heard in a very long time. Be respectful, muster up the inner strength, and dump the person over the phone. What’s next, are nursing homes going to send text messages to notify adults that their elderly parents have passed away? Text message divorce papers? If someone’s doctor text-messaged them that their test results showed cancer, I’d imagine that they’d be pretty pissed off.

Yes, this is different and nowhere near the same scale, but the rule is the rule… you don’t deliver bad news via text message.