HaBitza

Sorry – at this most serious point in the development of Habitza.com’s philosophy, Yenta is most insistent that we present:

Yenta’s guide to true love and honesty:

Yes, darlings, honesty is very important.  Truly it is.  Anyone will tell you I’m only 29.  And I don’t look a day over 76.  And I come to bury that Roman idiot who had a salad named after him, not to praise him.  Yeah, yeah.  But please – the best policy?

There’s a time for honesty.  It’s true.  If you’re an ax-murderer you should tell the matchmaker.  Tell her you need to marry someone with a hard head.  And if you’re divorced (or still married) you should tell the matchmaker as well.  And if you’re a Cohen.  And if you’re really short (even if your uncle Mordechai keeps telling you you’re tall).  And if you’re really tall (even if your antie Tzippy says you’re short, how should she know, she’s got the build of a basketball player).  And that unpleasant little problem about being married to two people at the same time (with or without Rabbenu Gershon’s permission) – yeah, you should tell her that as well.

But there’s a time for… not dishonesty.  Let’s call it “un-honesty”.  Honestly.  Let’s look at Yenta’s worksheet.

1.  How do I look?
a.  marvelous (honest? no.  But nice to hear.  You can say it to me any time.)
b.  nice (being careful, probably a lawyer)
c.  I can’t see, you’re standing in the sun (being a bit too careful – probably a law student, working on a class action against the sun for momentary dazzling)
d.  you know that colour really doesn’t suit you, and the style is so-so (honest? yes.  Mean, revolting, unmenschlich, unbeta’amt, unforgivable?  You bet).

If you answered (d) to any partner, spouse, or ex-husband/wife at any time in your existence or previous “gilgulim” (re-incarnations), and you were being completely honest – well, what can I say, don’t ask me for a date (or any of my grandchildren…) (or my husband).

2.  Should I eat that?  (points to calorie laden decadent desert – kosher, but decadent)
a.  it looks delicious (aha, this one’s a diplomat, doesn’t want to get caught)
b.  we could share it if you like (feh!  germs!  who brought you up?)
c.  it’s probably fake cream and stale cake (such a killjoy!  you probably don’t like chocolate either..)
d.  can you afford the calories?  You could really lose a lot of wei… (if there isn’t a silence at this point, followed by the sound of a good smack in punim (face, for the uninitiated), the girl/guy needs to go to the assertiveness training in the blog next door.  Is it honest?  yes.  Is it stupid?  Well, is it?  Nu?  Can’t hear you…)

The next one’s harder.  Hold on, make sure you have the oxygen ready.

3.  I love football (basketball/soccer/tennis), would you like to go to a game with me sometime?
a.  I’d love to (probably not true or honest if the girl says it – but give her points for working on the relationship willya!)
b.  I’d love to but I have a bad back, it’s difficult for me to sit in those seats (oy, how old are you – my age?  and I’d love to go to the game, thank you very much..)
c.  I’m not sure about football (et al) but I’ll go if you come with me to the ballet next week..(who knows?  Maybe he’ll go?  But you gotta admit it’s clever – and almost honest)
d.  I hate football (basketball/soccer/tennis).  I also hate all those who are so into sports, they watch it the whole time on TV, read the sports pages constantly – has no-one round here heard of culture?  (Honest?  perhaps.  Datebreaker?  probably.  Total lack of tact?  Douze points)

So is honesty about everything always the best policy?  Let me think about it.  You should too.