Matchmaker, may I plead the fifth?
Anyone who has been on more than one date in their life has probably experienced the following scenario: You agree to go out with someone and then, once you’re out with them, you find out something that even the matchmaker doesn’t know. I’m not talking about when it’s malicious, like when the person lied about their age or having a few children tucked away somewhere in the world. I’m talking about when the person didn’t spill the beans about something just because it felt too personal and they preferred to go on a date and then, when/if it felt right, to tell their date their secret.
Being on the other side can definitely be a drag. You suddenly find out pieces of information which you need to process. You start asking yourself if this is something that is important to you. You’ll probably ask yourself if this changes anything as far as going on another date with the person.
Yeah, it’s a drag, but I think I understand where it’s coming from, especially since I can relate. It is so difficult to spill the beans to a matchmaker (whether it’s a friend or a professional) every time you’re being set up. It’s just too emotionally exhausting to have to explain yourself to people over and over again, especially when many of us wonder if the other person is really getting us anyway. This might be subconscious, the decision to withhold certain information, figuring, if something goes far enough (depending on the secret, it could be after one date, two dates or a month or two), then we’ll tell our date the information that’s important to know.
I wonder, what information is OK to withhold and what is unfair to keep secret? Religious issues, family issues, health issues… The list goes on and on of things we don’t feel comfortable talking about with just anyone. But maybe some things really are those that you only have to tell with time, when you feel you’re telling someone you can trust.
What information do you think is OK to keep private from a matchmaker?
Photo by laszlo-photo at flickr.
First thing that comes to mind is that if you don’t feel like you can share everything with your matchmaker, then you have the wrong one. Just as there should be chemistry with your potential mate, there should be chemistry and a feeling of intimate discreetness with your matchmaker.
The really, really important things that you need to be totally honest with your matchmaker about are your values. You know, how important is family, extended family, money, faith, drug/alcohol use, religion, children, fidelity/infidelity, etc. ? You know, the “big stuff”. It appears that the guy and his wife that set up Tiger and Elin weren’t real clear on Tiger’s values ;)
Now, do you need to tell your matchmaker that you experimented in your freshman year of college and “did inhale”? Probably not. But if you absolutely are opposed to having children, then you should definitely tell your matchmaker. Your matchmaker can only be successful for you if they know the whole truth and nothing but the truth about what’s important to you.
For more on why being honest with answering matchmaker questions, read this story about what happened to a girl who wasn’t even honest with an online dating site questionnaire: http://3mmatchmaker.wordpress.com/2009/12/03/why-a-matchmaker-versus-an-online-dating-service/
Blessings,
3m
About the author: 3mmatchmaker provides a service that uses the Laws of Attraction and the Six Degrees of Separation techniques to successfully match couples.