A friend mentioned recently that a rabbi recommended that the guy always pay on a first date. This is to show the girl that the guy is generous.
How generous is generous? What’s a guy to do on a first date? Here’s the scale:
- Pay for one drink – not really generous, but working on it
- Pay for coffee and offer cake – quite generous
- Make sure to offer to pay for something that’s not on the menu – clever, very clever, but not generous
- Pay for a meal – possibly generous, possibly loaded, probably broke if you go on several first dates a month
- Pay but no tip – not really generous
- Pay with exactly 10% tip – either working on generous or terribly principled
- Pay with 25% tip – see “Pay for a meal”
- Announce to your datee “the prices are in dollars, not shekels, you know” (yes, it happened!) – no, sorry, not generous…not generous at all…
In my opinion, using payment on a first date to demonstrate generosity is very misleading. Also very unfair – there are many other ways to judge generosity other than the purely financial. There’s generosity of spirit, generosity of laughter and compliments, generosity of encouragement. All of which can mean a lot more to a girl than a free coffee.
And not every guy, especially those of you who date a lot, want to be spending a small fortune a month on lattes for dates which are not necessarily going anywhere.
If both daters are agreed on going dutch for the first date it can make life easier. And after the first date – it’s a whole other story.
Photo by stopnlook’s photostream on flickr