The single life – for keeps?

On seeing this blog for the first time, a friend wrote this to me:

“either you are going to remain single (in which case you should learn to see its advantages) or you’re not, in which case you should appreciate what you’ve got while you’ve got it!”

It’s great advice, but begs the question:  is it a good thing to resign yourself to remaining single, to assume you won’t marry?  Does that mean you learn to enjoy life whatever comes around, or that you stop trying and see your life running into a miserable single groove with no hope of a relationship?

I think it’s very individual.  For some it’s important to constantly put in effort, to build and maintain relationships with a constant eye towards the goal of getting married and raising a family.  They may resign themselves to not getting married during downtimes, but it’s not a feeling that will drive them to action – more to depression. Yet for others, they feel they haven’t found a soulmate – or even a tolerable life partner – but are determined to make the most of it and live their lives to the full.  For these people, acceptance of their situation leads them to action and a fuller life.

This post does relate more to older singles, and I think many people have different viewpoints on this question.  When I was in my mid-late thirties and still single (nicht kein yiddishe kinder gedacht…see glossary…), people tried to convince me not to accept singletonhood (aren’t invented words great), saying it would mean I would stop trying, I would fall into neglect, all kinds of terrible things would happen.  I found great comfort in acceptance at that time – I felt it freed me to live my life to the full, enjoy, without constantly listening out for the biological clock ticking away like a death watch beetle.  I found that acceptance opened the way for me to allow a soulmate into my life.