To have and to hold?
Dear Yenta/Chick,
I’m writing because I’m so confused, something happened and I don’t understand why! I was on a great mountain hike with this guy, we were having a great time, and then he asked me really urgently “are you shomeret negiya”? Well, I didn’t know what he was talking about! He starts yelling “do you hold negiya”? He’s getting really uptight, and I go “Um, well, no, I don’t hold…” – dear Yenta/Chick, I’m lying in hospital with two broken legs and concussion – what happened? What’s a negiya? Where can you buy them? How do you hold them? And the biggest thing that I’m confused about - why did this guy let go when I was falling off a cliff?
from FRX, California
Yenta says:
Oh dear, this is going to be hard. Really hard. Sweetheart, the first thing you need to know is that guys fall into two main groups – he’s either a mensch or he’s not. It’s that simple. He probably didn’t even come to visit, am I right? No flowers, no calls? Not even one lousy Advil? Not a mensch. Also dumb. You don’t know what a mensch is? You need to change your life, get a better therapist…get out more…
Negiya means touching (boys and girls, you know what I mean You don’t need me to spell out what touching means. Now calm down). Holding negiya means not touching. Not holding negiya means touching. Does it have to make sense? For millenia nice Jewish guys have been asking nice Jewish girls “do you hold…” Nice Jewish cavemen would ask politely (in grunts, not much has changed..) before bashing the ladies over the head with a club and dragging them into the cave… So when you started saying “I don’t hold..” your boychick’s (sorry Chick, no offense meant) brain went into wherever dumb guys brains go into… he wasn’t sure if you were not holding, or not holding negiya…he wasn’t sure where you were holding…
My advice would be – forget the guy. When you’re feeling better, take yourself into Bloomingdales and get yourself a nice colourful negiya (they’re on special this month) and hold it instead… it’s probably got more common sense…
The Chick says:
Well, at least you found out he’s a bum before you married him! It’s great to have opportunities to see if the person you’re on a date with is a mensch. But next time, lets try to make the test a little less lethal. Feel better!
Hey Yenta, how do you know about Bloomingdales?! : )
Photo by Augapfel at flickr
That was hilarious reading!!
I think that the whole question of negiya can be discussed on the phone before we meet (providing of course that it could be an issue). We need to learn to be more direct about what we want before we meet a guy or a girl. If it is important to you that the person you date owns a car, you need to ask him/her on the phone if he/she owns a car. Don’t wait for a date to be disappointed.
The guy who asked if you held to negiya either wanted to sleep with you (probably there and then on the mountain), or he is interested in you and is thinking about whether he can kiss you at the end of the date (or on the mountain). Like Yenta says, it’s all in the follow-up.
HAHAHAHAHA. You guys are good (at least I hold that way…)! Keep us laughing!
Thanks Dena – working on it!