I’d like half of that and a quarter of that.

Yenta and The Chick,

I recently became part of the Bitza. It’s a great place to be and very fun but I am finding that I’m totally confused by it when it comes to dating. I might meet a girl at a Shabbat meal and I find her interesting in one way or another. But then, I might meet another cute girl at Seuda Shlishit. Why should I focus only on the first girl when I already see things about her that could be annoying to me? Meanwhile, there are around a million other single girls who I could check out. How am I supposed to choose which girl to focus on? (Of course, not to mention that she is not necessarily going to choose to focus on me.)

DYT

Half a moon anyone?

The Chick says:

I hear you. As someone who is new to the Bitza as well, being surrounded by an array of singles of all shapes and sizes (figuratively speaking as well), it can be distracting. You could have your eye on one lovely girl and then meet someone else that pushes Ms. A out of your head.

Bad, evil Shabbat meals. No. Kidding.

I wonder if this problem is caused by lack of focus on a goal. Do you have a conscious idea of what you are looking for in a spouse? This is anyway important. I’d recommend consciously thinking about what it is you’re looking for. Once you make yourself conscious of it, you might find that some of the characteristics on your list are not really important.

Ask yourself, what are the most important traits in a spouse and focus on that list. Stay conscious of it, whatever happens! I once heard about a woman who would date a guy as long as he had those characteristics that were at the top of her list. I hear she’s happily married today. I think that keeping your eye on the goal will keep you focused on a girl, as long as she seems like she might have what it takes to be your better half.

Yenta says:

Really, should be Yenta yells – HEY!  YOU!  WITH THE SPACE BETWEEN YOUR EARS WHERE THE BRAIN SHOULD BE! (did I promise to be nice?  did I ever say I’d be nice?  no…)  I would really not like to be with you when you go to a buffet dinner, it must be messy… you’re the one trying to hold fifteen plates and a dinner roll between your teeth, I’m guessing?  The one who has to get all your courses at the same time so G-d forbid nothing should run out?

Forget a million single girls.  Be a mensch.  A mensch talks to the person sitting in front of him.  You’re bored?  You don’t have to punish yourself.  If you’re in a crowd, give yourself ten minutes.  Five minutes. But whatever time you give, make it quality, be there, be respectful, look her in the eyes, don’t shift in your seat while you’re trying to turn around to look at the girl behind you (yes, I saw you…Yenta gets around you know).  Make sure you ask her at least two real questions about herself (no, not how much money do you make…).

Didn’t your mother/grandmother/butler/nanny teach you?  Only take food on your plate if you’re going to eat it all.  And remember, that plates balancing thing?  Really not attractive… especially the breadroll…

Photo by joka2000 at flickr.