HaBitza

This one is for Yenta (Chick, I need tough love this time).

Question: I don’t know what to do. A couple of weeks ago I met a guy in a group setting and we really seemed to be connecting. He seemed really sweet. And he seemed to be showing interest back, talking to me quite a bit, etc. etc. Then I got in touch with him online, through facebook and figured I’d chat with him and see where it goes.

I did and it was so disappointing. He seemed totally not there, not interested. In person he’d been so interested, asking questions, listening to me, and now, in the chat, he was practically ignoring things I’d say.

What in the world is going on? I was considering asking him out but now I feel very disappointed and like I just want to forget about it. Sucks since he came across as pretty wonderful when I met him.

Oh, Yenta, what happened? And why does my excitement have to get shot down so quickly? What do you think I should do?

Thanks.

Yenta: There’s something I have to break to many of you out there, including you, gentle questioner, who are about to be shaken up to wherever one gets shaken up to.  Heed carefully the perspective of the ancients.

FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL.

Yeah, yeah, and the emperor has no clothes.

FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL.  I said it again.  Just like phonecalls are not real.  In order to get married, two people need to meet in person, go through a wedding ceremony together (not via text, facebook, linkedin, shminkedin), and preferably go through the rest of their lives living in the same house.  Probably the same room.  Possibly with some real children (not some Japanese toys which cry if you don’t press the “feed” button on a regular basis).

So think about it: are you going to assess reality from the face-to-face connection, or from the emperor’s new clothes?  And get this – not everyone facebooks…

The worst thing for hopes is to feed them with virtual realities.  (The Chick answered too so, click to read on!) The best thing for hopes is to bring them into the real world fast.   That means taking action.  That means possibly asking someone to act as go-between.  Or asking him out yourself if you’re a 21st century gal.

Facebook is fun, but it’s no way to run a relationship.  More of a Fakebook where serious connection is concerned.

The Chick: I know you said you wanted Yenta but I have some tough love inside of me too. I just wanted to say that you’re also just being a sissy. Oh, you are a girl? OK, well, you’re hiding behind facebook! It’s so much easier to hide behind things that don’t put yourself out there. It’s much safer and you aren’t making yourself vulnerable.

Also, I bet that you’re putting off doing something more tachles about the situation because you’re scared what the answer will be. If you keep it in this fake realm, you can keep dreaming that something might come of it. If you ask someone to find out if the guy is actually interested in you, you know the answer might be no and tada!, your bubble is burst. Sucks. But does it not suck more to be in a bubble to begin with?

At least knowing the truth is a real experience, based on reality! I think it’s best to be in reality, know the truth, and move on, rather than stay in this silly, unnecessary limbo. And be proud of yourself when you put yourself out there. It is not easy but it shows something about you. Of course including that you’re serious about making things happen in your life and that you’re brave.