HaBitza

by Deena and Vera

Deena: This is a big question! After much debate, we decided that in The Dating Rules, on the first date, each person pays for themselves. Why? It just doesn’t seem fair that guys trying hard to meet their besherts need to have such a major extra expense. I, Deena, till recently felt the guy should pay, but I always had a nudging discomfort about it and I think that maybe it really isn’t how it should be anymore.

So the question is, what is being missed if the guy doesn’t pay? Is there gender role confusion? Should the girl be given the opportunity to feel that the guy wants to take care of her? Is that not something the guy would want to experience too?

Are we totally off here? Tell us what you think.

Vera:  I remember being told that if I want the guy to think I’m not interested, and to prevent the embarrassment of turning him down if he is, I should insist on paying.  I tried that with a guy who during the first (and only) date outlined to me exactly how our life would be, how I could work part time but had to be home to give hot lunch to our children.  I insisted on paying but it only caused an argument.  And he still wanted to go out again.  And I still had to say no – I did try saying I couldn’t cook hot lunch, would “mana hama” (instant noodles) do?

There is a guy-girl thing about paying, but there is so much uncertainty and stress on a first date it seems an easy way to make things, well, easier.  Sorry to those ladies who really enjoy the free cup of coffee/cake/meal on a first date and often see it as the only thing that made a lousy evening worth while – I feel for you!  Maybe guys, if you decide you want to go out a second time and would like to pay, say “I’d like to treat you to coffee/tea/cake/mana hama/steak ‘n chips/left-over cholent” so that the girl will know where she stands and what to expect.

It’s a tricky subject – what do y’all think?