They don’t want to rape you per se but they don’t want to talk any more than completely necessary for you to allow them to touch you.
Me? I’m too smart. I’m too good a girl. They can see that so they won’t even try.
No?
Then it starts. They continuously push your boundaries. Continuously. You want one thing – to talk – and they want another – to touch.
He tried to hold my hand. I said no. He said he’d never had that before. On a first date? Either he’s lying or girls are holding his God forsaken hand even though a certain percentage of them don’t feel comfortable about it.
When you say no to things that make you uncomfortable they get hurt and you wonder if you should apologize. But you can’t take any responsibility for their feelings. It’s only your feelings and your safety that matter at that point. The only things.
You mustn’t have any pity on them because they are the ones pushing you.
He said what could he do, I was sending him mixed messages, one moment taking off a long sleeve shirt when we were inside, the next moment just wanting to talk.
Oh, I’m sorry.
Only when I woke up the next morning did I realize how disrespectfully he treated me and how much worse it could have gone.
There’s the part of us that likes feeling attractive, that likes the attention. In order to be safe in the moment we mustn’t ignore those feelings because once we see them for what they are, we can acknowledge the other feelings – feeling terribly uncomfortable and feeling a major lack of trust.
The experience isn’t only a bad one and this makes it very confusing. There is something deceptively sensitive about them. And they keep telling you you’re enjoying it (which touches on a little truth).
But by the way, that in itself is a red light. He could say, “Are you enjoying yourself?” but he can’t tell you how you’re feeling. That’s a bad sign.
They say how they’re always like this and not all girls are as strict as you which makes you wonder if there is something wrong with you.
If they can’t touch you physically, they touch on your insecurities instead. They compliment you on something you’re self conscious about and it makes you think maybe you should be with them because what are the chances of finding someone who likes that about you?
They make you feel really good about yourself and then really badly about yourself.
They push. Over and over and over again. Their stamina is shocking and confusing.
They get angry.
He psychoanalyzed me. He said I’m over-protective of my overly strict boundaries only because I’m scared of getting hurt. I should have punched him, if only my boundaries hadn’t held me back.
He said he only has acceptable expectations.
He basically was saying he totally disrespects my expectations and choices.
The fact they back off (over and over and over again) isn’t a sign of respect because the incessant pushing is where the lack of respect already comes in and that is what’s at play here.
When they do back off it is only with the intention of getting what they want from you (a date, a touch, a kiss, sex) because the whole interaction is only about them getting what they want.
So no, they won’t rape you per se but they’ll have you waking up the next morning realizing that you were in more danger than you were able to see because these men are only one thing: horny with nowhere to turn, hoping you’ll give them some relief.
